Our bed is unusually tall. We have these rubber blocks, like bed stilts, that raise it an extra foot off the floor. This way, we have extra space to store our suitcases, CDs and off-season clothes. The top of the mattress is at waist level for me; in order to "hop" into bed, I need to take a running start.
Last night the jet lag kicked in soon after dinner, and Cami turned in before 10. I lay beside her playing solitaire on my lap top until she said stop clicking I can hear you through my earplugs. Then I took half a xanax and fell asleep.
I dreamt of peeing all night. My bladder ached and I was searching for the ladies' room at a casino in niagara falls. I tread water in a pristine swimming pool, wondering if anyone would notice if I pissed in it, then squatted bottomless in a familiar field, but still held back. Finally, probably coming into or out of a REM cycle, I entered a kind of lucid dreamstate, aware of my real discomfort and need to get to the toilet. Rolling toward the edge of the bed, I stuck my foot out to step down, but it was too late; I'd rolled too far and landed hip down on the hardwood floor.
I'm sure it will be fine, Pie, Cami mumbled, hearing me whimper, come back.
She obviously thought it was my laptop that had fallen. I limped my way to the toilet and peed without closing the door.
Symphony! I heard her say through a yawn, come back.
I climbed carefully, elbow knee elbow knee, up into bed and turned my back to her touching only feet. It was 4 am. She stirred. I needed sympathy.
It was me. I was what fell just now.
I rolled too far. I had to pee, but I fell on the floor. I'm going to have a big bruise on my thigh.
Her side of the bed began to shake, the way it does when she has nightmares early in the morning. I turned to her and saw that she 'd burst out laughing.
Yes! It hurt! I was laughing, too, but felt choked up with the pain of impact and the relief of having emptied my bladder. I leaned into her chest and lay there feeling it heave with giggles.
Oh, Pie, she said. That is one of the most Pie-ish things you've ever done.