Pop Goes the Pie

Bedtime Poll

 A little monkey has requested that I add some more interactivity to this site, à la the Spinster. I like this idea, but it all depends, of course, on YOUR participation. So don't get shy on me now, dear readers. Answer these five questions and the Pie will love you forever.

The topic is BED, in honor of where I am right now.

1. "Experts" say that your BED should be used only for sleeping and sex. What else do you do in BED?

2. Do you make your BED every morning?

3. What did you keep hidden under your BED when you were a teenager?

4. What do you wear to BED?

5. Describe the view from your BED.

Extreme Makeover: Pie Edition

Does this color make my butt look big?

Hi Poo

Today in Paris
Snow fluttered to the sidewalks
Hiding the dog shit

Today's Top 10

10) Kellogg's All-Bran Coeur de Chocolat Noir
I finally gave in and bought the pricey, naughty cousin of my nutritious breakfast staple.

9) Biba Magazine article on how to tell people things they don't want to hear
"You stink! You're poisoning my oxygen! Wash yourself!"

8) Vacances d'Hiver
No school till March 7th. March 7th!

7) Nabokov's Transparent Things
Especially the sticker on the inside cover.

6) An hour of uninterrupted sunshine
Which happened to coincide with my run in the park

5) Buddy Blowing Bubba
Snickles posted a sigh-inducing picture of our last bearable Commander in Chief getting serviced by his late, great dog while Hillary watches.

4) Ranty email from a dear old friend
She didn't really use the term "boy howdy," did she? Yeah she did.

3) Fritz Lang's "M"
Peter Lorre's serial killer clearly inspired whistling Spike in Buffy, Season 7. Also, it's a great movie.

2) Found childhood acquaintance's cell phone number in Paris Hilton's Sidekick!
My mom still talks to his mom! He signed my yearbook once! Does this make me famous?

1) Special visit from God
No more crying fits or uncalled for snappiness for at least 28 days.

Stop Making Sense

Maya Keyes -- daughter of former Illinois senatorial candidate Alan “[homosexuals] are selfish hedonists” Keyes -- not only came out of the closet on Monday; she did it by calling herself a “liberal queer.” No doubt she learned to use that kind of language from the kids at the Pie’s Alma Mater, where she’ll be able to score lots of box continue her studies next year thanks to a generous grant from the LQs at the Point Foundation. Daddy, needless to say, will no longer be footing the bills.

Sexilicious Dan Savage claims not to be taking too much pleasure in hte “cosmic retribution Mr.Keyes seems to have brought upon his...head” for fear that his own little bundle of joy might grow up to be an abstinent, bible-thumping conservative. Now from what I understand, this Maya character is actually a studious, church-going young lady who took time off from school to teach orphans in southern India and to help her father run against Barack Obama! And even after her dad disowned her, threw her out of the house, and stopped speaking to her, Maya still says “I love him. He’s my father.”

So come on, Dan, gloat as much as you want. The only karmic backlash you risk is the possibility that your son will grow up to love you unconditionally no matter how much abuse you throw at him. And if he does decide to go to Bob Jones University (heheh, they really call it BJU for short!), maybe Alan Keyes will find it in his heart to pay for tuition.

High Concept

I really want to go to 50 Cent's house party in deepest Connecticut, but only if the girls from Miss Porter's grow some ovaries and crash, too.  

If I can't do it, homie, it can't be done.

Love is Brown

2/11

Friday was my dad's birthday, and I was a wreck all day, but didn't realize why until I found myself sobbing convulsively into a pillow in the middle of the night. It wasn't that I'd forgotten what day it was. In fact, while I was jogging that morning, I came up with some things I could write to commemorate him on this site. I thought I'd list all the presents I'd bought him over the years -- the ties and gym bags and gadgets from the sharper image -- and then write something about how I wished that this year I could give him the gift of being more like him, more responsible, kinder to strangers. Of course, thinking about all this made it hard to keep jogging because of the shortness of breath, and when I got home I had to shower and prepare for my class, so never got around to posting.

Genius!

Oh my god, I just knew that Marcia Cross (aka Bree Van de Kamp, aka Kimberly Shaw Mancini) was a big lesbo. Well, actually, I thought she was a 'bot built by some geeky gay boy trying to create the perfect woman, but whatever.

So who is this mysterious "brunette from another top US show" she's supposedly shacked up with? I say it's the foxy Jorja Fox from CSI. Anyone have a better guess?

Update: Marcia, Marcia, don't make me say it a third time. This seems to be nothing but a wishful rumor, as M.C.'s publicists have indicated. Ah, well. It was fun while it lasted.

It's a Log!

Vivi and Wendy's genius The Great International Secret Blog Exchange is like Secret Santa at the office, except instead of being some people you mostly hate and also have to share toilet seats with every day, the gift-givers are strangers from around the world who - like you - enjoy reading and creating what the kids these days call "weblogs." You should sign up. And if you happen to draw my name out of the proverbial hat, please send candy and toys, not socks.

Speaking of toys, the unstoppable Baptiste has posted a fascinating cartographic overview of sex shops in Paris (and surveillance thereof), which includes a link to a France 2 report on the same topic.

The only thing I really miss about my last real job (aside from monday morning meeting, which was so much fun) is sitting two feet away from this girl, who I swear knows everything you need to know about technology (and finances and organization and all the things the Pie sucks at) and what she doesn't know she will look up in this very calm and methodical manner and will explain it all to you in such a way that you understand completely and don't feel like a total retard. So it makes complete sense that she is now the Interweb's official Lifehacker. Look at her go!

'Rico sent me this Gay Boyfriend video, which I very much enjoyed, though I agree with his assessment that there is not nearly enough nudity in it.

Shit, I have more but must go teach. Will add on later!